


Thinking Before Coffee

by Fiona12690



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Humor, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-03
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-22 08:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/910988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fiona12690/pseuds/Fiona12690
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Post-STID.</b> The Enterprise Crew have practically moved into Captain Kirk spacious apartment. These are the mornings they get for trying to talk to the Captain before he's drank his coffee. <b>McKirk, Drabble/Crack!Fic.</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	Thinking Before Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** Bones and Jim are together and live together. I figured lets write a small Crack!Fic. The guests that are staying in the McKirk household are: Spock, Uhura, Scotty, Chekov, and Sulu.
> 
>  **A/N2:** I am not good with Accents, but I will try.

When Leonard 'Bones' McCoy brought Jim home from the hospital they both expected guests; friends and family that came to check up on how the Captain was healing. Jim and Leonard never expected to see them accompanied with sleeping bags and a what looked to be someones whole closet of clothes. Funny enough, Leonard couldn't wait to see their reactions tomorrow morning.

**Day 1**

It was breakfast time. A very confusing time in the McKirk household and no one had told the guests. Everyone of their guests had shown up and was enjoying a fantastic array of food, except Jim.

Chekov was the first to notice. The dining room had been a bit too subdued and quiet. When he brought up the subject to the Doctor, McCoy had told him that Jim would show up sooner or later. It wasn't that long after that, that the young lad decided to volunteer to go and wake him. Too bad the Doctor never got the chance to warn their youngest crew member. Chekov was up the stairs in seconds and already knocking on the bedroom door.

He never received an answer. He knocked again. No answer. After knocking a few more times and not receiving an answer, Chekov opened the door to the room.

The Captain was awake and drooling on a pillow.

" Keptin?"

" You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you."

" Vhat? Keptin, breakfast iz on zey table."

" Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and all the kings' horses and all the kings' men... ate scrambled eggs for 2 weeks." Jim announced loudly.

" Keptin? Zey never said Humpty Dumpty vas an egg in zey story..."

" Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate."

" Keptin, zhere are many planets zat has chocolate. I vill go get zey Doctor."

Chekov quickly retreated out of the room and down the stairs in record time. " Doctor I think zey Keptin vould benefit from breakfast in zey bed."

The Doctor rolled his eyes and went to stand at the base of the stairs. " It you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen. The coffee will share its home with you."

**Day 2**

It was breakfast time. A very confusing time in the McKirk household and no one had yet to inform the guests. Everyone of their guests had shown up and was enjoying a fantastic array of food when Jim had tiredly stumbled into the room. He was led to his chair by Leonard in hopes of preventing an injury first thing in the morning. Once Jim was sat down, the Doctor walked back towards the kitchen.

" Morning Captain, I presume your sleep cycle was steady."

" Ask me no questions and I will tell no lies." Jim responded to Spock's inquiry. " You know two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe."

" That is what Starfleet is here to determine, Captain..."

The return of the Doctor diverted Jim attention from Spock and halted the conversation. Jim looked to Leonard, while pointing at his First Officer. " I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! But not my brain. I need that."

That was when the Doctor placed a cup of coffee in front of the Captain.

" You do that; and drink your coffee Jim."

**Day 3**

It was breakfast time. A very confusing time in the McKirk household and as the guests have begun to expect. Everyone of their guests had shown up and saw the Captain enjoying a fantastic array of... lemons. The whole table had been covered in lemons and Jim was at the table devouring them.

" Lad, how can ye eat those and nought have yer mouth puckering?"

Jim looked up from his plate of lemon peelings to look at Scotty, he squeezed the lemon in his hand into a clean, clear glass. He smiled happily as juice turned purple and then replied, " When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it."

It was only moments later that they heard a loud voice from the kitchen exclaiming, " Dammit, Jim. Drink your coffee!"

The crew finally noticed a cooling cup of coffee next to the Captain's left arm.

**Day 4**

It was breakfast time. A very confusing time in the McKirk household and the crew had begun to notice a pattern. Everyone of their guests had shown up and was enjoying a fantastic array of food, even Jim.

Well the Captain had a plate of food set in front of him, but he wasn't exactly eating it as such. His eggs were the Federation Starships that were going to war against the Klingon Dreadnought bacon.

" Captain, the enemy off port has lost all shields."

" Mr. Sulu fire photon torpedos..."

A thunk sounded as a large cup of coffee was set down in the middle of Jim plate.

" Sulu, grow back up and stop encouragin' him." The Doctor grumbled loudly before turning towards a devastated Jim. " And when are you gonna to stop playin' with your food?"

" I've heard that its possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it."

" Drink ya coffee and eat right."

**Day 5**

It was breakfast time. A very confusing time in the McKirk household and the crew had finally figured the pattern out. Everyone of their guests had shown up and stood at the door... most likely wondering if their Captain had gone insane.

Yes, he was in the room, staring up at the ceiling from his place in the middle of the table the food surrounding him.

" Kirk, do we even want t..."

Jim hushed his Communications Officer. " I'm having a hotisee moment."

" That isn't a word, now what are you doing in the mid..." Jim hushed her again.

" Can't you see I'm trying to have a hotisee moment, stand still and stop talking."

" What language is this word derived from? Can you even define what this hotisee moment is, that you are claiming to have?"

" Dammit, Jim. Drink this and get off the table." Leonard handed over a cup filled with coffee, looking up at what Jim was staring at and huffed in frustration. " Uhura, look up."

The Crew looked up to see a mirror attached to the ceiling and very nicely... Lt. Uhura's breasts were on display.

" KIRK!"

" When in doubt, make up words!"

It was early that same evening when it hit the crew right upside the head. Captain Kirk could not function without coffee and any conversation or action was not to be held against him until he had drank at least two cups. So, by the time daylight had poured into the McKirk home and Jim had finally made his way down the stairs on Day 6... coffee cups filled to the brim extended from one end of the table to the other.

Jim looked at the table of coffee cups, then his Crew and then back to the coffee cups and whispered. " I hear voices, and they don't like you."

**END**


End file.
